Ladies and gentlemen, get ready for a smashing good time! Give it up for...
The World's
Funniest
Jokes
There are the funniest joke in the world from each country... Some will make you laugh, some will make you groan, some will make you scratch your head...Enjoy!^^
Wandering around a fairground, a man enters a fortune-teller's tent for a laugh.
"I see you're the father of two,"says the seer, gazing into her crystal ball.
"Ha! That's what you think,"says the man scornfully.
"I'm the father of three."
"Ha!"says the fortune-teller.
"That's what you think."
India
A business executive visits his dear Chinese friend in the hospital.
"Li kai yang qi guan,"says the sick man feebly.
The executive desperately wants to help him, but he doesn't speak Mandarin.
"Li kai yang qi guan!"says the patient, as he draws his last breath.
Later that year, the executive is in Shanghai on business when he finally learns the meaning of the phrase Li kai yang qi guan:Get off my oxygen tube.
Mexico
Indians ask their new chief whether the winter will be cold or mild.
Since the young chief never learned the ways of his ancestors, he tells them to collect firewood, then he goes off and calls the National Weather Service.
"Will the winter be bad?"he asks.
"Looks like it,"is the answer.
So the chief tells his people to gather more firewood.
A week later, he calls again.
"Are you positive the winter will be very cold?"
"Absolutely."
The chief tells his people to gather even more firewood, then calls the Weather Service again:"Are you sure?"
"I'm telling you, it's going to be the coldest winter on record."
"How do you know?"
"Because the Indians are gathering firewood like crazy!"
The Netherlands A starlet is seated next to a lawyer on a long flight.
She craves her sleep, but he keeps waking her up.
"Let's play a trivia game,"he suggests.
"If I answer wrong, I'll pay you $50.
If you answer wrong, you owe me $5."
The starlet agrees, and the lawyer goes first.
"What's the distance between the earth and the moon?"
The starlet hands the lawyer $5.
Now it's her turn.
"What goes up a mountain on three legs and comes down on four?"
The lawyer is dumbstruck.
He scans the internet, flips through his pocket encyclopedia, and texts every scientist he can find.
No dice.
Hours later, he wakes up the starlet, hands her $50, and asks,"So what's the answer?"
Without a word, she hands him $5 and goes back to sleep.
Philippines
Joe, Mike, Mary and Tom were talking about their dream jobs.
"I want to be a lawyer,"Joe began,"so that I can defend my countrymen."
"I want to be a congressman,"said Mike,"so I can draft laws to benefit my countrymen."
"I want to be a doctor,"said Mary,"so that I can cure my countrymen."
"How about you, Tom? What would you like to be?"asked Joe.
Tom thought a moment and replied,"I'd like to be a countryman."
Poland
Nearing the end, Stanislaw is surrounded by loved ones.
As the final moment approaches, he gathers all his strength and whispers,"I must tell you my greatest secret."
His family urges him to go on.
"Before I got married, I had it all,"Stanislaw explains.
"Fast cars, cute girls, and plenty of money. But a good friend warned me,'Get married and start a family. Otherwise, no-one will be there to give you a glass of water to drink when you're on your deathbed.' So I took his advice. I traded the girls for a wife, beer for baby food. I sold my Ferrari and invested in college funds. And now here we are. And you know what?"
"What?"
"I''m not even thirsty!"
Switzerland
Wife: Honey, did you notice? I bought a new toilet brush.
Husband: Yes, I did. But I still prefer the paper.
Taiwan
Papa Turtle is telling his son a bedtime story.
"Once upon a time, there was a white bunny."
"Aw, c'mon, Dad,"says the boy.
"That's kid stuff. What about some science fiction?"
"All right. Once upon a time, there was a bunny in outer space..."
"Dad! Make it more grown-up."
"OK, OK. Promise you won't tell Mum."
"I swear."
"Once upon a time, there was a naked bunny..."
United Kingdom
"About a month before he died, my grandmother covered my grandfather's back with lard. After that, he went downhill very quickly."
